1 00:00:01,535 --> 00:00:03,471 * Men. 2 00:00:20,988 --> 00:00:21,722 (rattling) 3 00:00:37,238 --> 00:00:39,773 Oh, dear! 4 00:00:39,840 --> 00:00:41,409 (gasps) 5 00:00:41,475 --> 00:00:43,877 I'm sorry, did I wake you up? 6 00:00:43,944 --> 00:00:45,446 What are you doing? 7 00:00:45,513 --> 00:00:49,683 I was trying to find a nice way to wake you up. 8 00:00:49,750 --> 00:00:51,852 Well, kudos, you found one. 9 00:00:51,919 --> 00:00:55,223 Here. Merry day before Christmas. 10 00:00:55,289 --> 00:00:57,491 I thought we agreed not to exchange presents. 11 00:00:57,558 --> 00:01:00,928 Well, you gave me a pretty nice present last night. 12 00:01:00,994 --> 00:01:03,731 Actually two. 13 00:01:03,797 --> 00:01:04,665 You're terrible. 14 00:01:04,732 --> 00:01:06,167 Open it. 15 00:01:12,706 --> 00:01:17,445 Dare I say it? Key to your heart? 16 00:01:17,511 --> 00:01:19,347 Better. It's a key to my house. 17 00:01:19,413 --> 00:01:23,384 Walden, I can't accept a key to your house. 18 00:01:23,451 --> 00:01:25,586 It's a bit premature. 19 00:01:25,653 --> 00:01:27,855 Well, if anything in our relationship's going to be premature, 20 00:01:27,921 --> 00:01:29,357 I prefer it to be the house key. 21 00:01:29,423 --> 00:01:33,194 It's a very sweet gesture. 22 00:01:33,261 --> 00:01:36,630 Mistletoe. 23 00:01:36,697 --> 00:01:38,065 Oh, my! 24 00:01:38,132 --> 00:01:40,100 I've got to pick up my daughter from her father's 25 00:01:40,168 --> 00:01:42,970 and I've got to get to the airport to pick up my parents. 26 00:01:43,036 --> 00:01:44,805 Are you sure I can't come with you? 27 00:01:44,872 --> 00:01:45,939 Positive. 28 00:01:46,006 --> 00:01:47,941 Why not? We get along great. 29 00:01:48,008 --> 00:01:50,178 Your parents are in town, my mom's coming to visit. 30 00:01:50,244 --> 00:01:51,912 It's Christmas. 31 00:01:51,979 --> 00:01:54,081 What better time for everybody to get to know each other? 32 00:01:54,148 --> 00:01:56,650 Walden, we're still getting to know each other. 33 00:01:56,717 --> 00:01:59,052 I know you. Really? 34 00:01:59,119 --> 00:02:01,255 What color are my eyes then? 35 00:02:01,322 --> 00:02:03,857 Brown. the left one's got a little fleck of green in it. 36 00:02:03,924 --> 00:02:05,959 Damn. 37 00:02:06,026 --> 00:02:10,097 You say you're a size two, but you're actually a size four. 38 00:02:10,164 --> 00:02:11,799 You run the water in the bathroom 39 00:02:11,865 --> 00:02:15,236 to cover the sound of you peeing. 40 00:02:15,303 --> 00:02:18,272 All right fine. Let me put it another way. 41 00:02:18,339 --> 00:02:20,140 No families this year. 42 00:02:20,208 --> 00:02:23,143 And I am a size two. 43 00:02:24,144 --> 00:02:25,946 Merry Christmas. 44 00:02:26,947 --> 00:02:29,082 She took the key. 45 00:02:31,852 --> 00:02:34,255 Aw! 46 00:02:34,322 --> 00:02:37,157 * Men, men, men, men, manly men, men, men * 47 00:02:37,225 --> 00:02:40,093 * Ah. * Men. * Men. 48 00:02:43,631 --> 00:02:45,533 * Men. 49 00:02:45,599 --> 00:02:46,534 (Berta sighs) 50 00:02:46,600 --> 00:02:48,302 When's your mom getting in? 51 00:02:48,369 --> 00:02:49,603 Any time now. 52 00:02:49,670 --> 00:02:51,004 She's on her way up from San Diego. 53 00:02:51,071 --> 00:02:52,973 Oh, hey, is Jake's room ready? 54 00:02:53,040 --> 00:02:54,475 I did what I could. 55 00:02:54,542 --> 00:02:56,810 It still has kind of a teenage stink to it. 56 00:02:56,877 --> 00:02:59,713 Maybe I should put her in Alan's room. 57 00:02:59,780 --> 00:03:02,082 Oh, no, that smells like failure and foot powder. 58 00:03:03,684 --> 00:03:05,486 Is that mistletoe? 59 00:03:05,553 --> 00:03:06,520 Yes. 60 00:03:06,587 --> 00:03:08,021 Well, bring it, Santa. 61 00:03:09,590 --> 00:03:12,426 Oh, merry Christmas to me. 62 00:03:12,493 --> 00:03:15,896 You know they make belt buckles with mistletoe on 'em? 63 00:03:15,963 --> 00:03:17,465 You're kidding. 64 00:03:17,531 --> 00:03:18,699 Check your stocking. 65 00:03:18,766 --> 00:03:20,768 (chuckles) 66 00:03:20,834 --> 00:03:24,037 So, listen, uh, I want to give you a nice Christmas bonus. 67 00:03:24,104 --> 00:03:25,739 What do you think would make you happy? 68 00:03:25,806 --> 00:03:28,742 Check your damn stocking and put on the buckle. 69 00:03:30,544 --> 00:03:33,113 How about three weeks pay and another kiss on the cheek? 70 00:03:33,180 --> 00:03:34,748 Do I get to pick the cheek? 71 00:03:36,149 --> 00:03:38,352 Merry Christmas. 72 00:03:39,186 --> 00:03:41,822 Merry Christmas. 73 00:03:41,889 --> 00:03:44,925 (ringtone playing) 74 00:03:46,960 --> 00:03:51,432 Hey, Mom, where are you? 75 00:03:51,499 --> 00:03:54,835 Oh, okay, that's about ten miles away... 76 00:03:54,902 --> 00:03:59,072 and it's rush hour, so figure... three hours. 77 00:03:59,139 --> 00:04:01,775 Yeah, I can't wait to see you, too. 78 00:04:01,842 --> 00:04:03,911 So I'm thinking that since 79 00:04:03,977 --> 00:04:05,813 this is our first Christmas without Charlie, 80 00:04:05,879 --> 00:04:07,415 we should spend it together. 81 00:04:07,481 --> 00:04:11,685 Yes, Mom, I'd rather get laid, too... 82 00:04:11,752 --> 00:04:13,954 but I think family is more important. 83 00:04:14,021 --> 00:04:15,389 Hey, Mom. 84 00:04:15,456 --> 00:04:17,891 Yeah, I'm just driving to Dad's. 85 00:04:17,958 --> 00:04:22,630 In 500 feet, turn left. 86 00:04:22,696 --> 00:04:26,033 Yes, I'm seeing someone. 87 00:04:26,099 --> 00:04:28,035 No, you can't meet her. 88 00:04:28,101 --> 00:04:30,704 Because it's too soon. 89 00:04:30,771 --> 00:04:31,972 I don't know what it means. 90 00:04:32,039 --> 00:04:33,841 It's just what she keeps telling me. 91 00:04:33,907 --> 00:04:35,443 Uh, Mom, y-you're breaking up. 92 00:04:35,509 --> 00:04:37,511 I-I'm sorry, what did you say? 93 00:04:38,546 --> 00:04:41,649 Y-Y-You want a tuna sandwich? 94 00:04:41,715 --> 00:04:45,853 Oh, oh, you're in a two-man sandwich. 95 00:04:45,919 --> 00:04:50,791 Uh, well, I, I hope they're using condiments. 96 00:04:50,858 --> 00:04:53,894 Uh, well, listen, I-I-I got to go, I got another call. 97 00:04:53,961 --> 00:04:55,763 Dear Lord. 98 00:04:55,829 --> 00:04:57,064 Hello. 99 00:04:57,130 --> 00:04:58,966 Oh, Jake, merry Christmas. 100 00:04:59,032 --> 00:05:00,634 Hey, Dad, I just wanted to call 101 00:05:00,701 --> 00:05:02,836 and tell you merry Christmas and wish you happy holidays. 102 00:05:02,903 --> 00:05:04,805 No, no, Mom and Herb are out to dinner. 103 00:05:04,872 --> 00:05:07,641 I'm just chilling at the ski lodge. 104 00:05:07,708 --> 00:05:09,142 Room service. 105 00:05:09,209 --> 00:05:10,478 Oh, hang on. 106 00:05:10,544 --> 00:05:11,479 I ordered a cheeseburger. 107 00:05:11,545 --> 00:05:12,680 Got to go, Dad. 108 00:05:12,746 --> 00:05:14,482 Yeah, I know the tip's included. 109 00:05:14,548 --> 00:05:16,116 All right, bye. 110 00:05:16,183 --> 00:05:17,551 All right, now you call your mom 111 00:05:17,618 --> 00:05:18,986 and tell her you're with your dad. 112 00:05:22,623 --> 00:05:26,226 Hey, Mom, I'm with your dad. 113 00:05:26,293 --> 00:05:27,227 No, no. 114 00:05:29,262 --> 00:05:31,198 * Men. 115 00:05:31,264 --> 00:05:33,200 This is gonna be the best Christmas ever. 116 00:05:33,266 --> 00:05:35,002 Yeah, swell. 117 00:05:35,068 --> 00:05:36,737 I got a great new girlfriend. 118 00:05:36,804 --> 00:05:40,140 My girlfriend's got a great new boyfriend. 119 00:05:40,207 --> 00:05:42,109 My mom is coming. 120 00:05:42,175 --> 00:05:45,145 So is mine. 121 00:05:47,180 --> 00:05:50,217 Wherever she is. 122 00:05:50,283 --> 00:05:51,685 Went to the Apple Store 123 00:05:51,752 --> 00:05:53,787 and bought myself a bunch of cool presents. 124 00:05:53,854 --> 00:05:57,024 I went to the grocery store and got myself an apple. 125 00:05:59,026 --> 00:06:02,062 Sounds like somebody's got the holiday blues. 126 00:06:02,129 --> 00:06:03,697 Oh, little bit. 127 00:06:03,764 --> 00:06:05,098 My son's with his mother and her husband, 128 00:06:05,165 --> 00:06:07,267 and this is my first Christmas without Charlie. 129 00:06:07,334 --> 00:06:09,036 What would you two normally do? 130 00:06:09,102 --> 00:06:11,038 Oh, we had kind of a holiday tradition. 131 00:06:11,104 --> 00:06:13,641 Um, he would drink a gallon of eggnog 132 00:06:13,707 --> 00:06:16,276 and then try to throw me out of the house at gunpoint. 133 00:06:16,343 --> 00:06:19,747 Good times. 134 00:06:19,813 --> 00:06:21,915 Well, you're not going to spend this year alone. 135 00:06:21,982 --> 00:06:24,618 You're going to have Christmas with me and my mom. 136 00:06:24,685 --> 00:06:26,520 Well, thank you, that's very nice of you. 137 00:06:26,587 --> 00:06:28,021 You want to hear a funny idea? 138 00:06:28,088 --> 00:06:29,757 You and my mom are about the same age. 139 00:06:29,823 --> 00:06:31,825 If you guys started dating and got married, 140 00:06:31,892 --> 00:06:33,827 you'd be my new daddy. 141 00:06:33,894 --> 00:06:36,864 Wait, h-hold on, I-I'm your mom's age? 142 00:06:36,930 --> 00:06:38,532 How old do you think I am? 143 00:06:38,599 --> 00:06:40,868 I don't know, what, like 60? 144 00:06:40,934 --> 00:06:43,571 I'm 44. 145 00:06:43,637 --> 00:06:45,272 Oh, well, you look older. 146 00:06:45,338 --> 00:06:47,307 (doorbell rings) 147 00:06:47,374 --> 00:06:49,276 Oh, there she is. 148 00:06:49,342 --> 00:06:50,277 That's it. 149 00:06:50,343 --> 00:06:52,746 Tomorrow I start moisturizing. 150 00:06:53,981 --> 00:06:56,249 Mom. Baby. 151 00:06:57,685 --> 00:06:58,986 (sighs) Eyeball, eyeball. 152 00:06:59,052 --> 00:07:00,721 Nose and mouth. 153 00:07:00,788 --> 00:07:01,722 I love you north. 154 00:07:01,789 --> 00:07:02,723 I love you south. 155 00:07:02,790 --> 00:07:03,924 (both laugh) 156 00:07:03,991 --> 00:07:04,992 (sighs) 157 00:07:05,058 --> 00:07:06,927 Hey, Alan, meet my mother Robin. 158 00:07:06,994 --> 00:07:08,195 Nice to meet you, Alan. 159 00:07:08,261 --> 00:07:09,329 Likewise. 160 00:07:09,396 --> 00:07:11,064 Mom, let me show you my place. 161 00:07:11,131 --> 00:07:13,867 Check it out, I got my own ocean. 162 00:07:13,934 --> 00:07:15,335 Well, it's not completely mine. 163 00:07:15,402 --> 00:07:17,304 I have to share the other side with Japan. 164 00:07:17,370 --> 00:07:19,072 It's very nice, dear. 165 00:07:19,139 --> 00:07:21,341 WALDEN: Yeah, I'm rich. 166 00:07:21,408 --> 00:07:25,613 Well... I know what I want for Christmas. 167 00:07:26,413 --> 00:07:29,082 * Men. 168 00:07:29,149 --> 00:07:31,819 So how long have you two been living together? 169 00:07:31,885 --> 00:07:33,987 A couple of months. 170 00:07:34,054 --> 00:07:36,690 I see. 171 00:07:36,757 --> 00:07:38,692 I'm sorry, I-I have to ask. 172 00:07:38,759 --> 00:07:40,828 Is this the woman you don't want me to meet? 173 00:07:42,763 --> 00:07:44,364 What? 174 00:07:44,431 --> 00:07:45,365 No. 175 00:07:45,432 --> 00:07:46,900 No, Alan is just a friend. 176 00:07:46,967 --> 00:07:48,636 Tell her. 177 00:07:48,702 --> 00:07:51,104 Butch and Sundance, notBrokeback Mountain. 178 00:07:51,171 --> 00:07:52,906 Okay, sorry. 179 00:07:52,973 --> 00:07:55,108 I-I mean, you have to admit, it's a rather strange set-up-- 180 00:07:55,175 --> 00:07:58,612 a 33-year-old man living with a 60-year-old. 181 00:08:00,047 --> 00:08:01,982 I'm 44. 182 00:08:02,049 --> 00:08:03,917 Right, me, too. 183 00:08:05,786 --> 00:08:07,254 Alan helped me through my break-up with Bridget, 184 00:08:07,320 --> 00:08:08,722 and then he needed a place to stay, 185 00:08:08,789 --> 00:08:10,724 so I asked him to stick around. 186 00:08:10,791 --> 00:08:12,726 Oh, that is so like you. 187 00:08:12,793 --> 00:08:13,894 (Walden and Robin chuckle) 188 00:08:13,961 --> 00:08:15,729 When Walden was a little boy, 189 00:08:15,796 --> 00:08:19,032 he used to bring home sick, helpless animals all the time. 190 00:08:21,068 --> 00:08:24,371 God help me, I can't take that as an insult. 191 00:08:24,437 --> 00:08:26,406 So, uh, what do you do, Robin? 192 00:08:26,473 --> 00:08:27,708 I'm a primatologist. 193 00:08:27,775 --> 00:08:29,342 I, I work mainly with gorillas. 194 00:08:29,409 --> 00:08:33,113 Oh, oh, so I guess that makes you the gorilla my dreams. 195 00:08:33,180 --> 00:08:34,948 (laughing) 196 00:08:36,950 --> 00:08:39,887 It was hysterical when Bugs Bunny did it. 197 00:08:39,953 --> 00:08:41,955 And thanks to the financial support 198 00:08:42,022 --> 00:08:43,256 of my brilliant son, I have a private 199 00:08:43,323 --> 00:08:44,992 gorilla sanctuary in Temecula. 200 00:08:45,058 --> 00:08:45,959 Oh, no kidding? 201 00:08:46,026 --> 00:08:47,060 Yeah, we take gorillas 202 00:08:47,127 --> 00:08:48,662 who were born in captivity 203 00:08:48,729 --> 00:08:49,863 and those who have lost their wild habitats 204 00:08:49,930 --> 00:08:51,799 and provide them with a safe, stable, 205 00:08:51,865 --> 00:08:53,300 loving family environment. 206 00:08:53,366 --> 00:08:55,335 Oh, that sounds wonderful. 207 00:08:55,402 --> 00:08:58,739 Does one have to be a gorilla to apply for admittance? 208 00:08:58,806 --> 00:08:59,973 I'm afraid so. 209 00:09:00,040 --> 00:09:02,009 Story of my life. 210 00:09:02,075 --> 00:09:03,076 When I was little, I always wanted 211 00:09:03,143 --> 00:09:04,812 to play with the gorillas. 212 00:09:04,878 --> 00:09:07,147 I even made up my own imaginary gorilla friend. 213 00:09:07,214 --> 00:09:08,448 Remember Magilla, Mom? 214 00:09:08,515 --> 00:09:11,184 Hmm, yeah, but he wasn't imaginary. 215 00:09:11,251 --> 00:09:13,186 What? 216 00:09:13,253 --> 00:09:14,922 Walden, Magilla lived with us 217 00:09:14,988 --> 00:09:17,024 for the first four years of your life. 218 00:09:18,058 --> 00:09:19,359 He was real? 219 00:09:20,961 --> 00:09:22,129 Yeah. 220 00:09:22,195 --> 00:09:23,396 Do you want to see some pictures? 221 00:09:23,463 --> 00:09:27,467 Wait, w-w-wait, Magilla was real? 222 00:09:27,534 --> 00:09:29,069 Very much so. 223 00:09:29,136 --> 00:09:31,204 Wait, you actually had a gorilla living with you? 224 00:09:31,271 --> 00:09:34,241 Yep, I was doing experiments to see if gorillas could learn 225 00:09:34,307 --> 00:09:35,943 as fast as human children, so 226 00:09:36,009 --> 00:09:38,311 I raised Magilla and Walden together from birth. 227 00:09:38,378 --> 00:09:40,380 Wow. 228 00:09:40,447 --> 00:09:43,784 All we had was a schnauzer and an Argentinean tennis pro. 229 00:09:45,819 --> 00:09:49,823 Uncle Javier. 230 00:09:49,890 --> 00:09:52,225 The tennis pro, not the schnauzer. 231 00:09:52,292 --> 00:09:56,496 Hold on a second, I was raised with a gorilla? 232 00:09:56,563 --> 00:09:59,232 Oh, well, just until you started preschool. 233 00:09:59,299 --> 00:10:02,736 Now, look, here's you and Magilla together in your crib. 234 00:10:06,974 --> 00:10:08,108 And here's 235 00:10:08,175 --> 00:10:10,377 the two of you at your first birthday. 236 00:10:11,544 --> 00:10:13,480 Wait a minute, 237 00:10:13,546 --> 00:10:16,249 is that how I learned sign language? 238 00:10:16,316 --> 00:10:18,518 I'm sorry, I don't have any bananas. 239 00:10:18,585 --> 00:10:20,387 Look, there's the two of you 240 00:10:20,453 --> 00:10:22,990 on the playground. 241 00:10:23,056 --> 00:10:24,124 Oh, your first Halloween. 242 00:10:25,158 --> 00:10:27,127 You went as a gorilla, 243 00:10:27,194 --> 00:10:28,361 and Magilla went as a ghost. 244 00:10:31,531 --> 00:10:33,466 WALDEN: Whoa, whoa. 245 00:10:33,533 --> 00:10:36,203 Yeah, okay. Yeah, it's starting to come back to me. 246 00:10:36,269 --> 00:10:37,537 Like, riding tricycles together, 247 00:10:37,604 --> 00:10:39,539 and running... running around the house. 248 00:10:39,606 --> 00:10:42,242 Or playing hide in the closet. 249 00:10:42,309 --> 00:10:45,112 Wait. Why were we always hiding in the closet? 250 00:10:45,178 --> 00:10:48,015 Well, the Homeowners Association didn't allow cats or dogs. 251 00:10:48,081 --> 00:10:50,217 What would they have said about a gorilla? 252 00:10:50,283 --> 00:10:52,219 Yeah. I remember. 253 00:10:52,285 --> 00:10:54,154 You told me he was my brother. 254 00:10:54,221 --> 00:10:56,423 Well, in a sense, he was. 255 00:10:56,489 --> 00:10:58,558 And then one day, he was gone. 256 00:10:58,625 --> 00:11:00,560 Yeah. 257 00:11:00,627 --> 00:11:02,896 You said he got sent back to the jungle. 258 00:11:02,963 --> 00:11:04,531 Well, sweetheart, we didn't have any choice. 259 00:11:04,597 --> 00:11:06,266 He was getting too big. He, uh... 260 00:11:06,333 --> 00:11:08,368 He tried to kill a Jehovah's Witness. 261 00:11:10,503 --> 00:11:12,906 Now, Now, to be fair, who among us hasn't... 262 00:11:12,973 --> 00:11:14,041 Not now, Alan. 263 00:11:15,976 --> 00:11:17,878 This is really starting to freak me out. 264 00:11:17,945 --> 00:11:19,179 Well, sweetie, I-I don't understand 265 00:11:19,246 --> 00:11:21,281 why you're making such a big deal out of this. 266 00:11:21,348 --> 00:11:23,283 You're kidding, right? 267 00:11:23,350 --> 00:11:26,553 I-I just discovered that my brother is a gorilla! 268 00:11:26,619 --> 00:11:29,056 That's-That's kind of a big deal! 269 00:11:29,122 --> 00:11:30,557 Hey, my brother was a pig, so, I mean... 270 00:11:30,623 --> 00:11:32,860 I said, not now, Alan! 271 00:11:34,061 --> 00:11:35,929 Walden, calm down. 272 00:11:35,996 --> 00:11:39,066 You do realize that I spent my entire childhood 273 00:11:39,132 --> 00:11:40,567 worrying that if I misbehaved, 274 00:11:40,633 --> 00:11:43,136 I would get sent away to the jungle like Magilla! 275 00:11:43,203 --> 00:11:45,605 One false move, Zimbabwe! 276 00:11:45,672 --> 00:11:47,841 Well, sweetheart, I... 277 00:11:47,908 --> 00:11:49,977 I never knew that you felt like that. 278 00:11:50,043 --> 00:11:51,244 Of course you didn't. 279 00:11:51,311 --> 00:11:53,446 You were so busy doing your experiment! 280 00:11:54,481 --> 00:11:56,516 Walden! 281 00:11:56,583 --> 00:11:58,418 (door closes) 282 00:11:58,485 --> 00:12:00,520 Kids, huh? 283 00:12:00,587 --> 00:12:02,089 So, you seeing anybody? 284 00:12:02,155 --> 00:12:04,157 * Men. 285 00:12:07,127 --> 00:12:08,862 * Men. 286 00:12:08,929 --> 00:12:10,964 Walden, it's Mom. Where are you? 287 00:12:11,031 --> 00:12:13,700 Please call me back so we can talk about this. 288 00:12:13,767 --> 00:12:17,938 I had no idea he'd repressed all those childhood memories. 289 00:12:18,005 --> 00:12:19,706 Well, apparently, 290 00:12:19,773 --> 00:12:21,809 losing what he thought was his sibling was very traumatic. 291 00:12:21,875 --> 00:12:25,112 I'm wondering if maybe I have to rethink his Christmas gift. 292 00:12:25,178 --> 00:12:26,880 Why? What did you get him? 293 00:12:26,947 --> 00:12:29,282 A bathrobe. 294 00:12:29,349 --> 00:12:31,118 Yeah, not a good idea. 295 00:12:31,184 --> 00:12:32,886 And I can't even return it. 296 00:12:32,953 --> 00:12:35,688 It's slightly irregular. 297 00:12:35,755 --> 00:12:38,091 You must think I'm a terrible mother. 298 00:12:38,158 --> 00:12:41,829 Well, let's compare mothering techniques. 299 00:12:41,895 --> 00:12:43,864 Um, did you tell him that Disneyland burned down 300 00:12:43,931 --> 00:12:45,332 to avoid having to take him there 301 00:12:45,398 --> 00:12:47,000 for his sixth, seventh and eighth birthdays? 302 00:12:47,067 --> 00:12:48,168 No. 303 00:12:48,235 --> 00:12:49,903 Did you tell him to walk it off 304 00:12:49,970 --> 00:12:51,038 after his appendix burst? 305 00:12:51,104 --> 00:12:52,772 No. 306 00:12:52,840 --> 00:12:54,842 Did you tell me the only reason you got pregnant 307 00:12:54,908 --> 00:12:56,709 was because you didn't want to smear your lipstick? 308 00:12:56,776 --> 00:12:59,947 Of course not! 309 00:13:00,013 --> 00:13:01,448 Then, far as I'm concerned, 310 00:13:01,514 --> 00:13:04,051 you're Mother of the Freakin' Year. Hmm. 311 00:13:04,117 --> 00:13:06,153 Mm. Although I did store Walden's embryo 312 00:13:06,219 --> 00:13:08,455 in a cryogenic chamber until Magilla's mother got pregnant 313 00:13:08,521 --> 00:13:10,924 so they could be born at the same time. 314 00:13:10,991 --> 00:13:13,760 Okay, flag on the play. 315 00:13:13,827 --> 00:13:15,195 You did what? 316 00:13:15,262 --> 00:13:17,264 I needed my child and the gorilla 317 00:13:17,330 --> 00:13:20,033 to be born at the same time for the experiment to be valid. 318 00:13:20,100 --> 00:13:21,835 And your husband was okay with this? 319 00:13:21,902 --> 00:13:23,937 It was for science. 320 00:13:24,004 --> 00:13:26,139 And I may not have told him. 321 00:13:26,206 --> 00:13:29,209 Okay, well, well, after all that time and energy, 322 00:13:29,276 --> 00:13:30,777 what did you learn? 323 00:13:30,844 --> 00:13:33,480 My son is smarter than a gorilla. 324 00:13:33,546 --> 00:13:36,516 Mine's not. 325 00:13:36,583 --> 00:13:40,020 * Men. 326 00:13:46,894 --> 00:13:48,896 Oh, Walden, what are you doing here? 327 00:13:48,962 --> 00:13:51,798 My brother is a gorilla, and she sent him away. 328 00:13:51,865 --> 00:13:55,502 I'm sorry. Is that some sort of American Christmas Carol? 329 00:13:55,568 --> 00:13:57,871 No. It's a succinct summation 330 00:13:57,938 --> 00:14:01,174 of my seminal years with a simian sibling. 331 00:14:01,241 --> 00:14:03,343 Are you drunk? 332 00:14:03,410 --> 00:14:07,114 I ought to be. I've taken the necessary steps. 333 00:14:07,180 --> 00:14:09,216 (whispering): Sweetie, this isn't a very good time. 334 00:14:09,282 --> 00:14:10,517 You're telling me. 335 00:14:10,583 --> 00:14:12,219 My mother is a mad scientist, 336 00:14:12,285 --> 00:14:14,854 and I spent the first four years of my life 337 00:14:14,922 --> 00:14:17,958 flinging poop with my brother... the gorilla. 338 00:14:18,025 --> 00:14:20,060 Hello! 339 00:14:20,127 --> 00:14:21,995 Mummy and Daddy, 340 00:14:22,062 --> 00:14:24,297 this is the fellow I was telling you about. 341 00:14:24,364 --> 00:14:25,999 How do you do? 342 00:14:26,066 --> 00:14:28,868 Wing Commander Edward Hyde-Tottingham, R.A.F. retired. 343 00:14:28,936 --> 00:14:30,370 This is my wife Sharon. 344 00:14:30,437 --> 00:14:31,571 Hello. 345 00:14:31,638 --> 00:14:33,073 Nice to meet you. 346 00:14:33,140 --> 00:14:34,441 Let me ask you something, Shary. 347 00:14:36,143 --> 00:14:37,577 Would you have raised your daughter 348 00:14:37,644 --> 00:14:39,412 with a jungle beast in an effort 349 00:14:39,479 --> 00:14:42,049 to satisfy your scientific curiosity? 350 00:14:42,115 --> 00:14:46,219 Well... I really couldn't say. 351 00:14:46,286 --> 00:14:49,589 I have cross-bred orchids. 352 00:14:49,656 --> 00:14:50,823 Yes. They're lovely. 353 00:14:50,890 --> 00:14:52,159 (chuckles) 354 00:14:52,225 --> 00:14:54,094 As are you, my darling. 355 00:14:54,161 --> 00:14:55,996 (stammering): Walden, I don't understand. 356 00:14:56,063 --> 00:14:57,597 Did something happen with your mother? 357 00:14:57,664 --> 00:14:59,199 Oh, yeah, something happened. 358 00:14:59,266 --> 00:15:01,534 My entire life is a lie. 359 00:15:01,601 --> 00:15:05,172 You know why I try so hard to please you sexually? 360 00:15:05,238 --> 00:15:06,839 Because 361 00:15:06,906 --> 00:15:09,242 I'm afraid if I don't give you multiple orgasms, 362 00:15:09,309 --> 00:15:14,381 that you'll banish me to Central Africa. 363 00:15:14,447 --> 00:15:16,583 What?! (clears throat) 364 00:15:16,649 --> 00:15:21,321 The Commander and I have often traveled to Africa on safari. 365 00:15:21,388 --> 00:15:22,622 Is that so? 366 00:15:22,689 --> 00:15:24,291 Oh, yes. 367 00:15:24,357 --> 00:15:27,594 Though I can't say I've ever had multiple orgasms. 368 00:15:29,262 --> 00:15:31,264 Lucky if I get the one. 369 00:15:36,136 --> 00:15:39,072 * Men. 370 00:15:39,139 --> 00:15:41,074 Come on, Walden, call me back. 371 00:15:41,141 --> 00:15:43,210 I'm worried sick. 372 00:15:43,276 --> 00:15:46,546 He always disappears like this when he's upset. 373 00:15:46,613 --> 00:15:48,848 As a child, he'd climb into a tree to sulk, 374 00:15:48,915 --> 00:15:50,750 and when I'd try to get him down, 375 00:15:50,817 --> 00:15:52,685 he'd beat his chest and bellow at me. 376 00:15:52,752 --> 00:15:54,621 Remind you of anybody? 377 00:15:54,687 --> 00:15:57,557 Yeah. His father. 378 00:15:57,624 --> 00:15:59,892 (phone ringing) 379 00:15:59,959 --> 00:16:01,894 Hello? 380 00:16:01,961 --> 00:16:03,096 Oh, uh, hi, Zoey. 381 00:16:03,163 --> 00:16:05,965 Walden's not here. 382 00:16:06,033 --> 00:16:07,567 Really? 383 00:16:07,634 --> 00:16:09,869 Okay, well, well, thanks for letting me know. 384 00:16:09,936 --> 00:16:11,104 What's going on? 385 00:16:11,171 --> 00:16:13,140 Apparently, your son got drunk 386 00:16:13,206 --> 00:16:14,974 and climbed up onto his girlfriend's roof. 387 00:16:15,042 --> 00:16:16,176 He, what? 388 00:16:16,243 --> 00:16:17,777 Still early. We could catch a movie. 389 00:16:17,844 --> 00:16:20,047 Are you out of your mind? We have to go get him. 390 00:16:20,113 --> 00:16:22,749 Oh, oh, absolutely, sure. I was just about to suggest that. 391 00:16:22,815 --> 00:16:24,217 Are you on Facebook? 392 00:16:24,284 --> 00:16:26,586 Maybe I could give you a poke sometime. 393 00:16:26,653 --> 00:16:29,856 * Men. 394 00:16:38,331 --> 00:16:40,100 (sighs) 395 00:16:40,167 --> 00:16:42,835 Uh... Walden? 396 00:16:42,902 --> 00:16:44,171 What are you doing here? 397 00:16:44,237 --> 00:16:46,173 (grunting) 398 00:16:46,239 --> 00:16:49,109 Well... to be perfectly honest, 399 00:16:49,176 --> 00:16:52,279 I'm trying to impress your mother. 400 00:16:52,345 --> 00:16:55,048 Why? She used me as a guinea pig. 401 00:16:55,115 --> 00:16:56,916 Yeah, well, my mother once left me 402 00:16:56,983 --> 00:16:58,651 at summer camp till Thanksgiving. 403 00:16:58,718 --> 00:17:00,587 So? 404 00:17:00,653 --> 00:17:02,889 So, we can't keep blaming our parents 405 00:17:02,955 --> 00:17:04,624 for how our lives turned out. 406 00:17:04,691 --> 00:17:06,693 Oh! Oh! 407 00:17:08,961 --> 00:17:10,163 (debris clattering) 408 00:17:10,230 --> 00:17:11,831 Be careful. If you fall, you'll die. 409 00:17:11,898 --> 00:17:14,934 Thank you. 410 00:17:15,001 --> 00:17:16,669 Did you forgive your mother? 411 00:17:16,736 --> 00:17:18,938 No, never, 412 00:17:19,005 --> 00:17:21,241 but I'm a small, petty man. 413 00:17:21,308 --> 00:17:23,976 You, however, have accomplished great things 414 00:17:24,043 --> 00:17:27,314 and have the capacity to accomplish even more. 415 00:17:27,380 --> 00:17:29,349 What about Magilla? 416 00:17:29,416 --> 00:17:32,352 I loved him, and she just sent him away. 417 00:17:32,419 --> 00:17:35,322 Yeah. That's rough. 418 00:17:35,388 --> 00:17:39,859 But I know what it's like to lose a brother. 419 00:17:39,926 --> 00:17:43,029 Who, by the way, also tried to kill a Jehovah's Witness. 420 00:17:44,331 --> 00:17:45,898 He was hung over, 421 00:17:45,965 --> 00:17:47,800 and they just kept ringing that damn doorbell. 422 00:17:47,867 --> 00:17:49,869 (helicopter whirring) 423 00:17:49,936 --> 00:17:51,938 MAN (through P.A.): This is the LAPD. 424 00:17:52,004 --> 00:17:54,006 Please get off of the roof! 425 00:17:55,742 --> 00:17:57,177 Go away! Leave me alone! 426 00:17:57,244 --> 00:17:59,346 Don't wave your arms at the aircraft. 427 00:17:59,412 --> 00:18:01,681 That never ends well. 428 00:18:03,950 --> 00:18:05,385 Get out of here! 429 00:18:05,452 --> 00:18:06,853 It's all right! 430 00:18:06,919 --> 00:18:10,022 It's just a mother issue! 431 00:18:10,089 --> 00:18:13,993 Walden, you come down from there right now! 432 00:18:14,060 --> 00:18:15,762 Oh, excuse me? 433 00:18:15,828 --> 00:18:17,264 Are you Walden's mum? 434 00:18:17,330 --> 00:18:19,366 Yes. Are-Are you Zoey? 435 00:18:19,432 --> 00:18:21,901 I am. It's so nice to meet you. 436 00:18:21,968 --> 00:18:23,370 Likewise. These are my parents. 437 00:18:23,436 --> 00:18:25,938 Wing Commander Edward Hyde-Tottingham. 438 00:18:26,005 --> 00:18:27,140 This is my wife Sharon. 439 00:18:27,207 --> 00:18:28,641 Lovely to meet you. 440 00:18:28,708 --> 00:18:30,410 (Walden bellowing) 441 00:18:30,477 --> 00:18:32,345 Your son's a charming young man. 442 00:18:32,412 --> 00:18:34,781 Yes, charming. 443 00:18:34,847 --> 00:18:36,048 Thank you. 444 00:18:36,115 --> 00:18:38,985 Thinks he's the brother of a monkey. 445 00:18:39,051 --> 00:18:40,953 What's all that about? 446 00:18:41,020 --> 00:18:43,022 (Walden bellowing) 447 00:18:50,930 --> 00:18:53,132 I think that's my dad up there. 448 00:18:53,200 --> 00:18:55,768 I think you're right. 449 00:18:55,835 --> 00:18:57,404 Want to get some frozen yogurt? 450 00:18:57,470 --> 00:18:59,206 Totally. 451 00:18:59,272 --> 00:19:01,274 * Men. 452 00:19:03,243 --> 00:19:05,212 * Men. 453 00:19:05,278 --> 00:19:06,913 Walden, I hope you understand, honey, 454 00:19:06,979 --> 00:19:08,948 I never meant to hurt you. 455 00:19:09,015 --> 00:19:11,251 I know. 456 00:19:11,318 --> 00:19:13,286 This is the best Christmas gift ever. 457 00:19:13,353 --> 00:19:14,854 Oh, I'm so glad. 458 00:19:17,724 --> 00:19:20,227 (sighs) 459 00:19:20,293 --> 00:19:22,462 See you in a few. 460 00:19:28,401 --> 00:19:30,337 You really are a terrific mom. 461 00:19:30,403 --> 00:19:32,239 Oh, thanks. 462 00:19:32,305 --> 00:19:33,740 And woman. 463 00:19:33,806 --> 00:19:35,875 Give it a rest, Alan. 464 00:19:38,345 --> 00:19:40,447 (snorting) 465 00:19:42,982 --> 00:19:44,984 (chuffing) 466 00:19:46,619 --> 00:19:49,088 Magilla? 467 00:19:49,155 --> 00:19:49,889 (snorting) 468 00:19:51,624 --> 00:19:55,328 (vocalizing) 469 00:20:00,867 --> 00:20:03,770 (vocalizing) 470 00:20:29,529 --> 00:20:31,531 That's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. 471 00:20:31,598 --> 00:20:34,434 Yeah. 472 00:20:34,501 --> 00:20:37,136 What's the Taser for? 473 00:20:37,203 --> 00:20:39,339 That's a 400-pound gorilla. 474 00:20:39,406 --> 00:20:42,409 This really could have gone either way. 475 00:20:42,475 --> 00:20:46,413 Captioning sponsored by CBS and WARNER BROS. TELEVISION 476 00:20:46,479 --> 00:20:50,483 and TOYOTA.